equus - pit digger

My character is a complex person. He has been through so much in his life and he hides all of it away from the outside world. The only person who knows the truth about him, is himself. During his childhood he was abused and to get away from it he hid in his attic above his room. The small, warm space was his safe place in a confusing, scary world that he was forced to be in. After running away and living on the streets, his ‘home’ was anywhere he could find that seemed safe. But in reality it was never the case. After working hard he became a pit digger, which was a life of lies, no one knew what he has been through, and probably never will. After saving up his money he built his own house on the side of a hill.

Through his personal experiences and his work, he feels safe/comfortable in both high spaces and spaces which are surrounded by dirt. These feelings are hopefully expressed through the designs. The first design is a three level house built partially in the ground. This design tries to explore the binary between being bunkered in the ground and the comfortableness at heights. The lower level, which is a rectangular space, is fully underground, with low ceilings to have that feeling of confinement but still have enough light to be comfortable. Included on this level is an attic like space which is accessible via a man hole. This space is above the whole floor plane, and has a window at the end closest to the skylight. This space is for him to go in and relax and feel totally comfortable in. The only way people will know it is there, is by the small window. The first level is a square space which is partially in the ground with big windows to bring in light to the level. The balcony on this level acts as the skylight for the ground level, as it is clear glass. Still moving through the tower to the second level which cantilevers over the other levels, the bedroom is high and fully exposed. This is just out of his comfort zone without it being too scary. The tower has one way glass, so the reflective side is facing down so at certain points through your journey up the tower you can see yourself and at other points see the sky above.

The second design is more practical as the bedroom, bathroom and study are on one level. This design is not as bunkered in the ground as the first design, but the still is grounded. The tower is partially in the ground to reduce the visual impact of its large size. The L shaped floors wrap around the tower. This design is open plan, where the study and bedroom are one big room overlooking the hill below. While this is a big room, it could be very easily divided, to create more intimate spaces. Again the mirror is on top of the tower.

The third design is again more bunkered into the site than the second design to make my character feel more comfortable. The tower is surrounded on all sides, above the building it can only be seen from the front. The mirror is more incorporated in the tower in this design. Two mirrors are attached to the outside and inside of the exposed face. This is so it can be seen from most parts of the building, to give numerous opportunities to reflect. The ground level is an L shaped room which houses the kitchen, dining, lounge and study area. This is an open plan to allow flexibility. The first floor has the bathroom and bedroom, this is a long rectangular room. The bedroom is a large room to allow light in and connects to a balcony, which is the roof of the ground floor.

Reflecting on the first design, the inclusion of the secret space was something to be explored again. Instead of it being of it being underground like the first design, it is placed on top of the tower. It is the same size as the tower concealing it completely from the outside world. Again a drop down stair from the room, is the only access point. This has the mirror in it for relaxation and reflection. The space is only just high enough to stand in, giving it that familiar attic feel. The ground level is a rectangular room which surrounds half of the tower. This houses the kitchen, lounge and dining rooms. The first level is L shaped room with a bathroom at one end, and the bedroom at the other, which for the first time, in a separate room. The study occupies the middle area. This building is bunkered in completely on one side, through to the tower leaving, enough space for the entry.

pit digger

I lie to people every day, that is has become a way of life not a lie. The truth is I’m not Steve who grew up in the suburbs from a normal family and upbringing, far from it. I learnt form a very early age that people will lie to you and treat you however they want not giving a dam about your feelings or safety. The people who are closest to you will let you down the most.

My father died very suddenly when I was young my mother took it the hardest. It was lucky she had a very close friend who comforted her through this period of time. Well that’s what I thought at the start. He would come most evenings before I went to bed, then I would get woken up as he left early in the morning. I have a feeling that my mother did not know that I knew this. When she told me, that she was getting married again, I felt this hatred inside of me that I had never felt before. What gave her the right to bring someone new into our family? Especially, someone who never spent time with me.

After the wedding he moved in with us and we became what my mother wanted, a happy, little, normal family again. Well, that’s what she thought. After he moved in the attention that I craved I ended up getting, in the form of late night conversations. This was cool, I got to bond with him. However one night this changed into something different and scary. He told me I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, it was just something special between the two of us. After a couple of weeks of our special conversations I started to hid, in the attic above my room. This became my new bed, warm, dark and safe. From there I could see him come in look around puzzled then leave. He didn’t tell my mother I wasn’t in my bed because he didn’t want to get caught out. I did this for a couple weeks before I realised that I had to leave, get away as far as possible from him.

 I left the next day for school like normal walking along my street until I hit the corner at the end of my street. I took one long look back and turned away from the direction of my school to the bus stop. This bus was going to be my freedom. It headed to the city away from this country town hell. When I reached the city, I felt overwhelmed, the guilt, the fear, the unknown. This was all too much. The next few days blurred into one as I walked around the city, finding food and shelter as I could. Once I saw my face on the TV with my mum and him pleading for whoever took me to bring me home. But I could see right through his facade.

Days turned into weeks, and I have to admit I was getting used to eating very little, sleeping during the day and being scarred most of the time that someone would recognise me. It was during one of these cold nights that I passed a huge hole in the ground, with so many machines it looked like a mini-zoo. This hole was so big that you could have fitted my whole town in. That’s when I decided I would do anything to drive one of those diggers and be part of such huge projects. I went into the public toilets and washed both myself and my clothes as best I could. Then I practiced my story, as best I could. The next morning I walked up to the site office and spun my story, he said no. I was crushed. But I didn’t let this stop me, my mission at night was to find a site and go there in the morning and talk to them. I think I did this about eleven times before one of they gave me a shovel and some work overalls and told me to start digging.

My first hole I dug was over seven years ago. It seems so weird sitting here overlooking the city from the house I built two years ago. I feel safe up here, all my friends still think I’m Steve who lived in the suburbs and dropped out of school because he didn’t want to learn any more, just dig. I still find it really hard to trust anyone which has made it hard to find friends. I’ve worked hard for this life and opportunities, but I still feel so many mixed emotions about leaving. I have tried going back but the memories are just too painful. I miss my mum, but I have a feeling she knew what was going on and was never strong enough to stop it, I resent her for that. I don’t know if my feeling will ever be resolved or will change. But I hope one day I will be able to trust someone again.