I lie to people every day, that is has become a way of life not a lie. The truth is I’m not Steve who grew up in the suburbs from a normal family and upbringing, far from it. I learnt form a very early age that people will lie to you and treat you however they want not giving a dam about your feelings or safety. The people who are closest to you will let you down the most.
My father died very suddenly when I was young my mother took it the hardest. It was lucky she had a very close friend who comforted her through this period of time. Well that’s what I thought at the start. He would come most evenings before I went to bed, then I would get woken up as he left early in the morning. I have a feeling that my mother did not know that I knew this. When she told me, that she was getting married again, I felt this hatred inside of me that I had never felt before. What gave her the right to bring someone new into our family? Especially, someone who never spent time with me.
After the wedding he moved in with us and we became what my mother wanted, a happy, little, normal family again. Well, that’s what she thought. After he moved in the attention that I craved I ended up getting, in the form of late night conversations. This was cool, I got to bond with him. However one night this changed into something different and scary. He told me I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, it was just something special between the two of us. After a couple of weeks of our special conversations I started to hid, in the attic above my room. This became my new bed, warm, dark and safe. From there I could see him come in look around puzzled then leave. He didn’t tell my mother I wasn’t in my bed because he didn’t want to get caught out. I did this for a couple weeks before I realised that I had to leave, get away as far as possible from him.
I left the next day for school like normal walking along my street until I hit the corner at the end of my street. I took one long look back and turned away from the direction of my school to the bus stop. This bus was going to be my freedom. It headed to the city away from this country town hell. When I reached the city, I felt overwhelmed, the guilt, the fear, the unknown. This was all too much. The next few days blurred into one as I walked around the city, finding food and shelter as I could. Once I saw my face on the TV with my mum and him pleading for whoever took me to bring me home. But I could see right through his facade.
Days turned into weeks, and I have to admit I was getting used to eating very little, sleeping during the day and being scarred most of the time that someone would recognise me. It was during one of these cold nights that I passed a huge hole in the ground, with so many machines it looked like a mini-zoo. This hole was so big that you could have fitted my whole town in. That’s when I decided I would do anything to drive one of those diggers and be part of such huge projects. I went into the public toilets and washed both myself and my clothes as best I could. Then I practiced my story, as best I could. The next morning I walked up to the site office and spun my story, he said no. I was crushed. But I didn’t let this stop me, my mission at night was to find a site and go there in the morning and talk to them. I think I did this about eleven times before one of they gave me a shovel and some work overalls and told me to start digging.
My first hole I dug was over seven years ago. It seems so weird sitting here overlooking the city from the house I built two years ago. I feel safe up here, all my friends still think I’m Steve who lived in the suburbs and dropped out of school because he didn’t want to learn any more, just dig. I still find it really hard to trust anyone which has made it hard to find friends. I’ve worked hard for this life and opportunities, but I still feel so many mixed emotions about leaving. I have tried going back but the memories are just too painful. I miss my mum, but I have a feeling she knew what was going on and was never strong enough to stop it, I resent her for that. I don’t know if my feeling will ever be resolved or will change. But I hope one day I will be able to trust someone again.
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